I remember dealing with some things in my early recovery that were things I stressed about when I was using.
When I was using, I had dug myself into a financial hole, and I didn’t seek treatment for a long time, because I owed so much money, I felt I needed to work to pay it all back.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t keep a job since I was using all the time.
When I finally found myself out of options and excuses, I ended up in treatment. Because of my concern of finances, and my inability to hold a job to find a solution, I was broke.
After I came out of treatment, I found myself a single dad of a two year old and a one year old, and luckily I had about $1000 in an account that had accumulated while I was in treatment. I owed Portland General Electric about $500 and I was able to pay that so I could move into my apartment.
Not to digress, but that first day out of treatment was very busy, completely overwhelming, and the only reason I didn’t go completely bonkers was I was afraid to fail. Failure would only lead back to addiction.
I didn’t know much, but I did know that. I remember I ended up in a men’s meeting that night, was asked to share, and someone told me after the meeting that if I made it through that day, I could do recovery.
I need to be honest, I didn’t run around and make all the financial amends I could with the last $500. I just survived. Fortunately, I had some back taxes that I filed, and that allowed me to pay back some family members I owed. That was important to me for my integrity, and for my recovery.
At some point, I started paying back debts. I started with the highest interest accounts first and just kept paying as I was able. I was sober for over a year and the Portland Water Bureau called me about the money I owed them, and I paid it. It’s amazing. When I don’t use or drink, I have money. Not a lot, but enough to pay my bills and make financial amends.
The last amends I made was to Multnomah County Courts. I had been paying them $40 a month, interest free, since I got out of treatment. I went into the courthouse and it had been so long, my judge had retired. The clerk who took my check (I think it was the last $500) asked, “can I ask you why now and what you are doing? You obviously aren’t using anymore.” (My record showed addiction all over it.)
I explained that I was in Graduate School, and that since it was a non-interest bearing account, they were getting the minimum payment until I could pay them off. It was a very empowering moment for me.
The bottom line is, I had to get clean and sober for anything good to happen. I was about 4 years sober when I made that last trip to the courthouse. Financial freedom didn’t happen overnight.
I would have loved to pay everything off sooner, but the whole time I was paying off accounts, I was living a happy and successful life. The biggest point I want to make is I stayed sober the whole time. That trip to the judges office gave me one more example I could “do this sobriety thing.”
If you need to get off drugs and/or alcohol so you can straighten out things like I did, please call us at 855-770-0577. If we’re not able to help you, hopefully we can refer you to a program that can.
